Seriously. Why is she soooooo excited for Patrick to take a dump but not me?!
He gets a marshmallow and toy for taking a poop inside but not me. I get verbally assaulted and tossed outside (like I need to go again after I just christened the bedroom hardwood. LOLOLOLOLOL) in the prickly grass.
Why is it socially acceptable for humans to pee inside (in a bathroom, I know, but still it's INSIDE) yet I get verbally backhanded when I do? I mean, do you want to pee somewhere not climate controlled to 72 glorious degrees where the grass is tickling your nether regions?! Yeah, me either. #ForeverPeeingontheCouch
While I'm at it, why do my mom and dad get to sleep in a huge bed that's oversized for them yet I'm sausaged into a cat bed (literally. It's a bed shaped like a cat FOR A CAT. That fact isn't lost on me mom.) that's meant for a feline half my size?! Not fair.
There's a lot more going through my pea-sized brain but I just saw a squirrel dart across the yard so I need to go incessantly bark at where it was for the next 27 minutes. Then I'll probably take a nap and pee on the side of the couch when no one's watching, cause #YOLO.